I must be too annoying 4 u.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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