Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
