and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
