she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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