i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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