I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The beers last night were like the tears from god
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
