Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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