i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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