Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
