woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
