My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
