i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
