your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
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She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize