Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
