and she was petting her beer can
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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