I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
