We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
