How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So. Much. Porn.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
