we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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