My liver just broke up with me...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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