If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
