So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize