WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
