why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
