i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
