he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He better not be in your backpack
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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