She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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