Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
