I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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