I miss vodka workout Fridays
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
