I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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