I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
