i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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