Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
