I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
