She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
