he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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