I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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