Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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