who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
