Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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