if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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