Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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