apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
