Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize