All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
