Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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