all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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