Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
