Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
