His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
