Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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