Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My bed smells like the plague
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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