What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
