no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
