failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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