okay pat passed out under dana's car
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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