I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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