Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
