it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
