just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm always down for nudity.
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