so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
