you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
