I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
