I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
