is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
