my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You were trust falling into bushes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
