So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
