White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
now i know why i became what i already was.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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