Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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