And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize