its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
