We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I woke up under a house in Key West
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize