Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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