a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
