I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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