She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She's the barista slut.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
