Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
