We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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