I think I am morally bankrupt
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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