ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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