dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You were trust falling into bushes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
