I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
