i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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