Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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