I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
