It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
