I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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