I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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