I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
