Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
