if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
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