i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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