My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
