just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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