she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
