your room smells of hookers.
And success
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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