I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
